What is this post about?

It is about being human, also about how I feel to a certain degree. It is strictly personal. I am not showcasing anyone today. There are no book recommendations, no music recommendations, no other nice culture or society tidbids. Just some wild random thoughts.

I have the feeling that a lot happened in the past twelve months, maybe fourteen months. It really did. And I feel happy, yet also a bit breathless. I cannot stop myself as I seem to have grown fond of this fast-paced rhythm. I really cannot stop right now.

Let’s think we all had a great self esteem which of course in most cases, we don’t. And let’s suppose we were sure of ourselves. Yeah. Right. Then, you probably would not be roaming around the internet. Maybe… the point is… you cannot make everyone happy. Plus you should not need to either.

The most important and only person to make happy and to please is yourself. Trying to be everybody’s darling is so contra productive and so not required. Remember this is 21st century.

There are some things I need to do. Projects in my life a.k.a. someone who is working for a living.

When I wake up, my head is full with ideas, plans, schemes, with things I want to do, things I want to accomplish… That’s my creative side.

But… and here is the but… there is also a quite analytical side to me. That’s the side I turn out when I want to get things done.

Being a creative with analytical skills is in one respect having the best of two worlds, but at the same time, you need to watch out that you don’t get badly labelled.

I set myself some high goals. I really kind of feel this is a good thing to do cos you try to get the best posible you to get going.

Trouble is that aspiring people are often mistaken for people who do not know their place. They are often seen as troublemakers or the like sometimes.

They are also mistaken for dreamers or delusional people. Being visionary has got its downsides.

Being someone who can view further than others is always viewed critical… especially when people see that you want to get ahead.

They are also mistaken for being short-fused, irritable, which is nonsense. They just have a higher amplitude than other people.

I am not saying that I am the victim of some conspiracy plot, and I’m not saying either that I expect people to like me. I seem to be an agreeable carácter but that’s not the point. What I do think is that sometimes it does get on my nerve, that people, out of the sheer inability to place you, to find a pigeon hole for your personality, they label you as being strange, or “out of this world”, they create rumours behind your back, they slagg you off, try to make you look stupid, like you were acting kind of silly, kind of obsessed, or whatever.

This is the actually just the opposite of what should happen. And in it, we find the true nature of what is called: discrimination. Not wanting to see someone like he or she really is but superimposing a new kind of image and at the same time ridiculing that person, dehumanizing him/her.

What if this were a human rights’ court. Would you argue differently? Would you see the predicament of the judge? Would you understand to measure your step?

I can only say that today I did learn a lot – about myself, about human nature in general, but also about the limits of communication. Even though the day started out pretty bad, I seem to have found a way around it.

The key why I started this post is simply I don’t like to come across as someone who is always complaining, cos I’m not. I’ve been through some tough shit, and I tend to keep my innermost thoughts to myself as long as I possibly can. That was a survival technique, no kidding, no pun intended. But when I actually open up, and say something, I do not want to end up feeling like “shit”, that’s great. Another misunderstanding.

The trouble of getting a false or erroneous message, or a message that basically troubles you more than it helps, will surely add to more confusion, to losing faith and  finally as a by product, things get harder, and eventually, communication capsizes. People clam up again… It is natural.

Whenever I see something that bugs me, I will write about it, I will be candid about it, and that’s nothing to do with being too stressed, too obsessed, or too highly strung… It is just my nature, and full stop.

But someone who wants to give me the impression that I should relax, take things easy and while tomorrow and the day after and so on things will come my way, I have the tendency to either clench my teeth or become bad-humoured… because it means that the sheer act in defying this archetypal pattern, the prime task is achieved. Don’t ever tell someone, let alone a woman, they should relax unless you want to see full-on state of being completely un-relaxed/panicky/distressed or even crazy… It is just triggering something unwanted. Women function differently.

But if I see something that bugs me I need to let it out. Come rain or come shine.