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I have left this blog for a while because my life has been quite a rollercoaster ever since the end of November last year. I won a literature prize, my first ever literary competition I should say. The category that I won in: Catalan poetry. No, I am not native in Catalan.

My life ever since has been a trip. I mean this totally and utterly and really.

 

The week I had planned to relax and disconnect, at the beginning of December, turned out more exciting and more beyond my dreams than I had ever imagined. Why was that then? Ok, let me paint you the picture. Someone from the Ibiza City Council rang me up to tell me that I had won the first prize in Poetry in Catalan of the Ciutat d’Eivissa. It was actually Lisa Sansano herself who rang me up, the local regidora cultural. I actually could not believe it, and I think my heart just stopped there and then. I asked the nice lady twice if she was sure I was the right one she was calling. It simply was too much at the time. I remember I was standing there like a fucking statue, in a gay bookshop, Antinous, by the way a very good bookshop in case you were wondering. And the truth is, looking back on it now, it somehow all makes so much sense to me. Thank you so much to Josep and Maria, as they were the true and only witnesses of a huge step in my life. I made the transition from (feeling like a ) nobody to (feeling like ) a real writer. At least, I felt that way. Like, at last, someone said, ok, you’re good enough. It was weird. It was actually quite a physical moment. I was mesmerized, hypnotized, I let out a cry, and Josep was kind enough to ask me what had happened as I seemed to be the only customer around. At the end of the day, it was a bit of a shock and I usually do not behave like that.

Well, in the end, I spend the whole afternoon or two hours there. After the phone call, I explained what had happened to Josep and Maria. Then I rang my husband to tell him. He could not believe it either. Thanks for that vote of confidence, sweetie! 😉 No, just kidding! I mean it was weird. Of course, that’s the dream that every writer has. That one day, someone will tell you “wow, well done!” Go on. Tell us a bit more. And that is what happened that day.

I felt deeply touched, totally emotionalized, and truly enlightened. I was shaking inside but with happiness and bliss, sincerely. My heart leapt, but my mind could not take it in that easily and that quickly. I chatted with my friends till late, I made a post on facebook, I wrote online messages, chatted again, just to show my gratitude and express my emotions that were truly all over the place, overflowing as it were.

Of course, I also thought of my dad, who had died four months before. There was a bitter aftertaste right there. I would have wanted it so much for him to see me like this.

That night I wandered around through Barcelona and I ended up in some little bar, since I was there all by myself and it had a very weird feel to it. It was so unreal. I told a waiter what had happened to me and he said, I should write him down my name which I did and he was joking that one day I would be famous and then he might tell it everyone that I had come to their bar and so on. It just felt strange, basically. I missed my home, my people, I did not have anyone to wrap my arms around them and start crying with joy, a thing I should have wanted to do.

Well, one day later, I de-virtualized a facebook friend of mine, who has become a real friend with a real face and we shared a very real and authentic laughter and enjoyed each other’s company for some hours, until I wandered again the streets of Barcelona in search of so many things I wanted to see.

Since I have this magic gift of getting lost fairly easily, that is exactly what I did the next day. I have no sense whatsoever where I am in a new town or new surroundings. I am blind to cities, I am very poor at three dimensional thinking, I guess. In rural areas this never happens to me, but in cities, forget it. I am so easily lost, it is truly and utterly ridiculous. Probably a three year old would find its way home better than me. This is why I did not meet another facebook friend of mine whom I should I have met that day. I was simply not able to find the address in time. I had misread the information, having a very hard time to find that street, which was actually wrong. What can I say? One address, but eight to ten kilometers later and aching heels and a crushed self esteem thanks to real poor urban behavior, I did arrive at the address, but so late that everyone had already gone. It was a sad moment. Well. Shit happens.

The day after that, I again met someone from facebook whom I also de-virtualized but this time things were made easy for me since we met at a museum and that way, I would not get lost again. We had a wonderful time. And the freaky part was that during that museum visit I had two newspapers from Ibiza call me and ask for an interview. I gave both interviews over the mobile while in the Museo de Catalunya, and later on we went up to the terrace and shot some beautiful pictures of the sunset. It was too beautiful!

The remaining days I spent running around in Barcelona, meeting people and playing the tourist, and trying to digest what actually had happened. I felt freaked out, but utterly happy and sort of calm.

When I came home, I rang up the people who I had to call, I prepared myself for the upcoming big day when I received the prize and I also gave an interview on the radio which I posted here as well, which again to me was a first time thing to happen. And the interview went online in Catalan.

One day after this big day came another big day, my birthday, which was quiet and nice. One day after that, I got a surprise party from my man which was super.

One day before Christmas, I had my first talk with my publisher, so that was pretty cool and pretty fast as well. I guess we will have some fun talking about the book and how things are going to be.

So In a matter of two weeks and a half, my whole life had quite turned upside down. It was beyond my imagination.
Then of course, Xmas came and with it, all the chaos, stress and seeking for a quiet corner where to sit, have a chat with friends or even trying to read a book. I did. Now, I am nearly back to normal apart from tons of things that got postponed and got delayed etc. Right now, I am scheduling my aims for 2014, and believe me, there are many aims that I have.

Among them, is stop doubting myself.

Or let’s put it another way: Start to actually believe in myself. Admit that dreams can come true.

P.S. On second thoughts, I will take a time out from Facebook because it is seriously getting on my nerves. If you want to stay in touch, write me an email, ring me up, send me a postcard, send me a homing pigeon, try telepathy, whatever. I don’t care as long as it is not face-fucking-book. Sorry, yes, I am bloody well angry with someone. You can bloody well tell. Are you a psychic? 😉

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