Category: communication


Ok, no cuddling this time. No time for that. Straight full sex. Or said in other words: medias in res. I’ve really had it this week. Maybe, it’s the lunar constellation, maybe it’s fate, maybe it’s kismet, karma, call it whatever you like, but I’ve had so many weird experiences and no-go situations this week that I’ve seriously had it when thinking about the time I’m losing due to the negligence and poor behaviour of other people’s behaviour. My pain threshold has been pushed and scraped past or also being plainly crossed many times.

rude-loser-195

 

I won’t go into details because this is personal, but fact is when you can’t keep an appointment for whichever reason (whether you did not like the appointment in the first place, whether you thought otherwise, whether the moon was in a bad constellation for you, maybe your chakra was out of tune, your cat was sick, or you were sick, or the whole idea was sick) it basically does not matter. What matters is you inform people when you are not coming. It is simple as that: this is basic. If on the other hand, you don’t find informing someone who came to see you helpful, so this other person does not know that you have no intention of seeing them, it is common knowledge this is basically downright rude behaviour and, basically, even by today’s low standards absolutely inacceptable unless you willingly want to annoy someone (in which case, bravo, this is way to go). Maybe I am naive, maybe I am still believing in Santa Claus, it does not matter. I basically tend to believe people what they say. This does make me vulnerable, and maybe I am an easy prey too for some people. I can see the downside in this behaviour of mine clearly. So maybe it was about time that I got shaken up a bit to make it clear that this time around, I need to adjust my asshole threshold level a bit… But on second thoughts, I really don’t want that. Yes. I am a sensitive person and I seriously want to stay that way. I don’t want to adjust myself to make myself less sensitive because some other people aren’t sensitive enough.

psychology

 

Don’t get me wrong. This is not an ego trip. This post is so not about me, this is basically about how society is changing and why I find it difficult dealing with some of its worst outcomes. This is about the way in which so many people have morphed in terms of behaviour. It is so sad. It is seriously breaking my heart. I don’t like what I see. But beware that you don’t criticize this. Otherwise you are the weirdo forever and ever.

I might be a weirdo to some. Still… I am pretty clear on this one. Society is what people consent to make it. In other words, society is the product of all our commonground behaviour. And if this rude, insensitive, and pretty much asshole like behaviour is cementing itself as being acceptable then we don’t need to make any moral claims to the future… That will be a redundancy. This is the 101 of human behaviour. And it is slowly but surely getting lost.

shrug-300x186

 

Everyone who I told this story, basically just shrugged and asked me “what do you want?”… “People are like this today.” No, I am sorry, they are most certainly not like that. I deny the possibility and I also resist the temptation of verifying it. The people I chose to deal with are my circle and in my circle I demand a certain standard, and the most basic understanding to me is that if you cannot make an appointnment, you at least pick up a phone and cancel. This is like the 101 your mum or your dad ought to have told you when you were little. And if not, hey, it’s still time to learn.

I am so sick of this shit. In Ibiza standards do tend to get lowered by the watering down of boundaries, by the mixing of different cultures and different standards.

So, I am going to tell you guys which kind of behaviour is really totally unacceptable:

1) not cancelling an appointment, and basically being a “no-show” – highly penalised in my book, I am dead serious. There are thousands of ways: phone, email, facebook, whatsapp, twitter (or even excusing oneself through a third person, even though this is pretty iffy… but at least it’s something)

2) being extremely late and not excusing oneself. I am not talking about the socalled academic 15 minutes. I am talking about serious time here.

3) not answering one’s emails – also not really courteous, respectful or nice… can be excused in some cases, but basically is neither welcome nor promising either.

4) Being closed-minded. Being hard of hearing in a metaphorical sense. Be a good listener – it does make such a big difference as people generally don’t want to listen anymore. They just want to tell things. The most challenging thing today seems to be to have an open ear for someone. I try it every day. And believe me, it is so rewarding. Whenever I do it, I feel I am being me, I learn sometimes something from doing it, and I get one step closer to being the kind of human being I aspire to be.

5) saying please and thank you in general… I feel terrible even having to write this down. But there are so many cases each and every day where I feel inclined to slap some people’s faces… and it just seems so normal to be impolite that you feel weird even being polite. And this is just soooo wrong… to me, this would go without saying that of course, you need to say thank you but there seems to be a tendency that some people might find this acceptable. I personally find this kind of thank you is very important as a motivation factor and therefore and also out of sheer courtesy ought to be said. However, society as well as their benchmarks are changing.

6) To be honest, truthful and still be polite, this seems to be today a contradiction in terms as it is. Either people slap you in the face verbally or they suck up to you. But you rarely get a moment of truth which is even made sweeter by someone who is actually capable of serving you some truth in a polite and understandable form. This is such a dying species. Please don’t become extinct. It is so important to have true friends who will tell you things, important things and still be able to remain your friends because they might do it in such a way that you can actually learn from each other. This is something I totally miss these days. There are hardly any people around who combine both properties.

7) Be moderate. People tend to brag about themselves so much. Where is moderation and modesty gone? I sometimes don’t believe the exaggerations I tend to hear. Basically, this means that you need to reduce everything you hear by someone from outside your circles by a certain ratio. This is truly exhausting. Actually, you could even say… that lying is becoming trendy.

8) Being helpful. This is again a dying species in mankind. DO not always think first in the good someone else can do for you. Think first and foremost in the relation that you might be having with any given person. See the person. Do not see them directly as a competitor, as an enemy, as someone who might steal your show. This actually is so annoying.

9) Be respectful. I know there are a lot of moments when I lose my temper and I might also not be overly respectful to some people and I feel ashamed for it. But the mainstream of today’s world seems to be – the less respectful you are, the farther you get. This is bullshit. Try learning, try studying, try outsmarting people. That’s the way to go. And don’t think you’re better than someone else. First of all, it is all relative. Secondly, respect your fellow men. And thirdly, does it really matter?

10) Be kind. Kindness is something I am really missing big time in the new century. Kindness used to be all around. And the past 12 or thirteen years or so I have the feeling that kindness is often mistaken for weakness. As if kind people could not be strong… Or that tough people need to be unkind and therefore they show their real tough nature. This is so wrong. That’s again skindeep.

11) Don’t judge people. Who are you to judge someone else?

12) Don’t insult or write flame-mails to people. I am serious. This is the worst. Things are somewhat seriously getting out of hand. It went that far that I did not want to open my email account but I can only say. There are lessons to be learnt here. I don’t know which ones yet.

I am so not a preacher. And I don’t want to be one either. But I needed to vent in this case. And be sure, I know, I am so not in the position to preach anyone either. I do a lot of wrong things my end, believe me. But, at least, I am aware of it and I try to mend, I try to become better, someone nice and someone I would truly love to meet. If this were the maxim, if this were the bottom line, then we all could not go wrong. If we all became just a little the people we ourselves would love to meet in the street, at the school meeting, in the press conference, in the board meeting, at the music concert, at the gas station.

Little changes. If everyone does their bit, we all might get along better, and this little could go a long way.

 

 

I would really love to get feedback on this one here. How do you feel about the way that society is changing slowly into?

Advertisements

I am pretty stressed out right now.

The more I get to see and understand of what is going around in the world, the less I think I know. Or put in other words: the less I preferred I knew. It is nothing to be ashamed of to try to live life in a safe bubble.

With me, this safe bubble burst a long, a long time ago.

Getting back to topic. Stress… There is eu-stress and di-stress. Through each and every day, millions of neuronal connections are built up and we form new associations, learn languages, maybe it’s a chemical formula we need to learn by heart, maybe it’s your girlfriend’s telephone number and maybe, just maybe, you will say to yourself I wish myself back to those days when life used to be simple. Birthday party on Saturday, glittering stickers in my sticker album. Maybe all the different types of clouds that you can pass over your head while you lie on a hill with your bare arms in the grass. Scratch! That tune is so old. And long gone. No need for any sugarglossing. The thing is today the moment you want to inform yourself you immediately gotta know that 95% of all messages, information, notes, news and ticker tid bits you receive are of a negative kind.

So… the result. What do you reckon it might have? Yes… Snooze. That’s what most people do nowadays… They either become very very stressed out, hectic, superficial, or simply ignore what they have sitting in their inbox. They cannot be bothered.

It is quite a rare phenomenon that people actually are “a jour” with all what they receive on a daily basis. Do you have an idea what this might cause?

Hmm…. Yes. I do. I could imagine that a disproportionate amount of emails is created by merely ignoring half of the emails sent out in the first place. To be honest, I am fine with it. I don’t care. I really don’t… Anymore. It is part of my job description to write emails and stuff, and it becomes a general kind of routine to wait for emails to arrive. Sadly, that is what happens. I was always the one who had a head start, the one who is keen to answer emails. Always the one who keeps their promises to call back, I am good on that, on general follow up. What annoys me most, are those people who tell you… yeah, oh that email. Yeah, I wanted to reply to that one, but then you sent me another one. Like it was your fault you did not get an answer.

Ok, I get it.

To be honest, doing work, I can handle this. But privately, this gets seriously on my nerves. Why can’t people just have the decency and at least have the minimum amount of respect and courtesy and simply answer. Maybe just two sentences “I get back to you soon. Hang in there.”, “Please call me”, “I am in Alaska, don’t mail me again please”, or “I am not interested”, “Get away from me.”, “Tough shit. Pucker up, dude” Whatever. It would at least be honest and it would save you the moments where you torture yourself thinking all sorts of stuff. Fantasizing about why you did not get a reply. Asking yourself countless questions. And so on, and so forth. It’s insane. And it is so avoidable. And nobody needs this. Really, they just don’t.

But certain manners have really become contagious in the 21st century. I really recall when in 1996 when I first had my email account with Compuserve, people would answer you as they were thrilled to receive such a weird thing called email. Now, it is mainly a tool of a power exchange.

No… Seriously. I know a couple of people who even though they have very little time, they will always try to answer their emails and be honest, be respectful and be like it was a true pen-pal kind of thing. Be sure that whoever writes me, will get a reply and I will answer in a way that matches the topic and also the style in which it is written. I can be serious, I can be hilarious. Whatever. But one thing will not happen. I won’t let a mail go unanswered. Because I was brought up to respect if someone took his / her time that they would really like an answer. Whoever feels I have struck a nerve with them, please give me a like. My self esteem right now is kind of hitting rock bottom. I could need that.

This insanity about not knowing if someone else got your message goes as far that sometimes, you are simply too well-behaved or maybe also too honest to refrain from writing yet another mail, cos you want to wait and see what happens, and the mail contact just kind of gets lost somehow. It fizzles out. So you put in a confirmation request, does not really seem to solve the problem.

That has happened to me often enough. Sometimes voluntarily, sometimes involuntarily. I was the lady in waiting.  I was always very communicative though so I tended to be the one who would pick up the thread of conversation, again and again. It seems to be my fate that I am too demanding in that respect maybe…. I want to know things. I want answers. I don’t know. Too demanding? Am I really? If I am having a conversation, I don’t just walk away from someone… I just don’t. You don’t see me cutting off a conversation just like that.

So this basically stresses me out. It makes my head spin and I ask myself if the person in question really wants to communicate with me. Ok. Now you could say, that is your problem. Yes, it is. But it is not nice either, is it? And I am kind of sick and tired cos it seems to happening a lot more often and people feel a lot less concerned about if they make you wait or maybe even forget on the whole that they actually have something, an email or a document, whatever, that demands some kind of response. If I have the telephone number of that person, I might actually just give them a call cos nowadays I think some things can be sorted quickly that way. But on the other hand, I do tend to feel a little vengeful sometimes…

It hurts my sense of justice, my sense of proper behaviour, my sense of organic order I guess. I don’t mean the few really busy friends I have (and you know who you are) who always advice me in advance that they have little time and it will take them a little longer to reply. I really don’t mean you… How could I? I mean only those ones who just seem to think that it does not matter whether you answer someone or not… It is just so rude and so bad mannered! I cannot believe that I am actually on a rant for non-existing email responses but it has been driving up the walls for a while now and it just goes to show that the world is changing.

My plea: When you get a letter, you write back, when you get an email, you write an email back. Maybe, not everyone is as communicative as me, I can see that. But on the other hand, why cannot people get their heads around to at least responding to you. Even if they don’t have the time. They could at least make an effort to let you know that your email was received and maybe also read. It is such a simple gesture of faith and friendship. To just answer. What is wrong with that?

Communication behaviour has definitely changed in the past two decades. Not for the better I would say.

Communication is too easy. That is why it is so shallow, and in most cases really daft. Sorry to say so. But that is how I feel about it.

I once had a pen friend, a pen pal. She was actually from Leicester, UK. She had come to our school when I was 10 or so. Her name was Claire W., she wanted to study medicine. Another was my year-long friend Ildikó. Ildikó and I had met through a random encounter in London, sharing a multiple room. She was on a year’s worth of world travelling, something the Australians tend to do a lot once they are out of the university. She wanted to see the world before she would settle down and became a teacher.

Deep down, I am kind of a real loyal and trustful character. This sounds really corny coming from my own mouth, but I stick to my friends like nothing else. With Claire I wrote at least eight or nine years. We would probably still be writing each other if there had not been a mistake in her address when she moved. Unfortunately, her surname is so common that it would be ridiculous to look for her since she moved to London. But you never know. 🙂

With Ildikó, the Australian, well, we are almost like joined at the hip, we wrote each other for 19 years – starting 1993. Actually, it just kind of fizzled out recently… Which is a shame, but there you go. I hope she is well and maybe one day she picks up where we left off and get back to write emails again. That would very much be worth it. Not just for old times’ sake. 🙂

When a pen pal friendship dies, this is actually pretty sad. You have shared a lot, in our case all our adolescent and young adult years. In Ildikó’s case, we even flew to Australia and travelled around her country back in 1998. We saw Sydney, New South Wales, the Three Sisters, travelled up the gold coast and went to Cairns, Brisbane and Darwin. It was a magic trip.

What am I playing at? I remember the leap of heart, the plain kick I got out of receiving letters both from UK and from Australia. The smell of the paper, the cute little stamps that looked so different. The duration of days, of weeks you would have in between letters. It sometimes took them even a whole month to arrive. Sometimes the stuff we had talked about would be not even important anymore… Here we both could wait. It did not seem to be any problem at all. But somehow, this was like a long conversation which I had with someone with whom I could talk and also share my views of the world, my hobbies and my likes and dislikes. Pretty much like Facebook really only way more personal and real… 😉 In between the years of 1999 and 2012 we used both emails and snail mail letters to communicate. I would really love to have a penpal friendship again. I am kind of old school that way. 🙂

Fast forward to 2013. Now, we have twitter, we have facebook, we have so many social media and platforms and we think we are so ultra modern. Are we really?… it seems so antique if you don’t have an account with all of them. So, since I don’t want to be a bystander but someone integrated in the brave new media society, not only have a facebook, twitter account, but also zillions of other profiles of all the forums I used ever since 2000 roughly.

There are a handful of people who know me, maybe from school, from uni, maybe from my time in Germany, Ireland, or now Spain, Ibiza. Some of them from work, some of them would be private contacts. But… Can this be all? Can this be the best we can come up with, and I am asking myself this really?

Has the level and also the depth of communication really increased or was it just the amount of time we spend with the gadgets that pretend to be communicative that has increased. Sometimes when a newsflash comes, you can bet on whose twitter account you will find it first. Sometimes it is fun, sometimes it is informative, but come on, the majority is really superfluous. And I am including myself in here as well. I fell into the same trap as everyone else. It was a nice toy. But to be honest, as soon as you notice there is something you cannot do because you have been too long on facebook or on twitter, that’s exactly the moment when you know… Ok. Time to change.

Whenever I “like” something on Facebook, I get the option to “share”, to spread all this information we would usually share with a handful of friends, mostly I tend to press this button. Maybe, because I am too easily triggered. Maybe I have a ludic side to myself? The thing is with my pressing this button, this news will appear in so many news tickers of my friends and acquaintances… And vice versa… I get too easily distracted. Facebook is a big big time thief. When you really want to get things done, there is no way that facebook is going to be your friend. Right… I now… I can switch off facebook any time I want. Granted.

But the quality of a penpal friendship cannot really be compared in any way with the social media of today. With a penpal, you can express yourself on a more personal and also more critical level. Chances are that the other person knows and understands you.

With Facebook it is often like someone writes something, tons of clicks, and let’s move on to the next… This is just too shallow. This is almost like it was not really even there… The actual time spent on digesting a facebook information is so quick, that I think that half of the information might even not be read properly… Guess what happens? Yes.,.. Most of the information is getting more and more visualized… Made easily digestable… Baby food for the brain… Eeeewwwww… Think about it.

Ten years from now on, I bet there are going to be some psychological conditions related to over-excessive use of the social media. Maybe even loss of the sense for reality. Who knows. Remember that the French Revolution ate its own children… Yes, that image does come to mind…

There is this thing Einstein said once… about technology and the age of idiots…

I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our humanity. The world will have a generation of idiots.

This is a quote I fear that for my liking has reached a high degree of truth. When I was in Scotland, quite three weeks ago, I did not touch internet, emails, facebook (except for one day) for one whole month. It was so good for me. I so needed to be disconnected from everything else. It felt that I was so recharging my batteries. It was incredible. And my husband had dared me that I could not last the holidays. How wrong was he? ;)Everyone should do that once in a while. To be honest, I did not think that I was missing out on such a whole lot. Because there are still these haptic media, you know these little things you can fold up, and they have these pages inside, full with printed paper.

Ah, books, that’s the one. Thank you. Funny things, if you ask me.

Now… I am in a period where I need to really be careful that I am not burning myself out. I am aware of that. I have really quite a lot on my plate right now, there are deadlines looming, and there are new things I want to tackle as well. Ok, now you could tell me, why don’t you change the order of these things. Well, the truth is just: I sooo cannot do that. These projects are somehow magically intertwined so there is not a snowball’s chance in hell I can let go of any of them.

So, basically, it’s do or die. Make or break. Touch and go.

This is how i feel. I would much rather go back in time and chose a period when life was just a little easier. A little slower. A little better organised. And a little less hectic.

The only thing I can do for myself, is try to cut down the (sometimes useless, sometimes useful) time I spend in front of the computer.

What was this claim again? There is yet another Einstein quote… It was about war. I did not look this one up but roughly it goes like this. Whichever weapons people would use in the third world war, Einstein predicted that the fourth world war would be a matter of stones and other primitive weapons…

People are on the verge of really eradicating themselves. And that to me does not sound like a joke at all. We need to seriously rethink our thinking and our living patterns. We don’t know how to eat, how to work, how to love, how to interact in a way that makes us simply happy. We have distanced ourselves that much from a natural lifestyle that the answer can only be: get back to the most simple things in life.

– work: work what you can not what you want to work as

– eat: eat anything that grows in the area where you live, make sure it has lots of vitamins or if it’s convenience food make sure it is the least processed food you can come up with

– love: stick to one favorite person. Makes life easier for all. 😉

– interact: I am totally with Ockham’s razor. Say things in the least pompous and least complicated manner. You want people to understand what you are saying. Don’t ya?

Can we learn something from heightened periods of stress?

Oh yes, I think we can.

Try to go easy with a lot of things. Try to go easy on yourself. No need to stick to the most perfectionist plan when you know that you have two kids, three jobs, virtually no free time, and things can happen out of the blue that can basically burst any kind of planning and any kind of time table.

The following three months are usually the worst ones of my whole year. This year, I have decided that I am going to tackle this differently.

I am going to try to be kind to me. (this is a real challenge for me. I always treat myself like I was in a bootcamp, too little sleep, erratic food habits, weird attacks of exercise days interspersed with days spent in lethargy… )

I am going to try to give my body enough sleep, proper food and some relaxing walks. (especially and mainly it is sleep I am concerned with. This is something I need to take care of… the other two things are ok, almost where I want them to be)

Three months sound short but lived up in a manner that is unhealthy, three months can be quite long in fact… They can be actually quite crazy and there is only one person that can keep you sane in the eye of a maelstrom.

And that my dear friend, is you.

PS:

A lot of people talk about simplify your life. This term always makes me a tad aggressive.

Simple in terms of lifestyle? yeah, try again…

Simple in terms of being kind of really repetitive? I am not a hamster in a roll. I am human.

Simple in terms of being foreseeable? That’s what life is like.

Simple in terms of having the big picture just like that? That is something I would really like to have sometimes. But sometimes I just play it by hand.

The world has become more closely intertwined through all the new media. But has it really made people understand how to be more human? Or to be more understanding? More altruistic? Less egocentric? No. I don’t think so.

I believe we have reached the point where technology has overruled sense. And that, my dear reader, is not such a good thing in itself. Man’s capacity to understand the technology of his age proves vital in terms of making proper use of it. That is something the big financial crisis and also the big revolutions of the past 15 years go to show.

There is still the acute sense that people basically think that they need to have one certain territory. Unless you claim it, someone else damn well will do it. The immensely pronounced greed of criminal bankers had more than just a couple companies, banks, and let’s say it states go bankrupt. And we all we are able to say is… That is just a momentary cutback…. With all due respect, this is just a lot of bullshit. I mean who are we kidding? Things will pick up again. Come to think of it! How can things pick up again when there’s a) basically no middle class anymore, b) further education basically buys you a ticket to long-term slavery, exploitation serving in McJobs, or become one in a million, becoming another nameless face in the legions of unemployed people. c) there is no real hope. There simply is none.

No. Things won’t pick up. They don’t. At least, I don’t buy it.

Undo my argument. Prove me wrong. I would love to hear it and believe it.

But chances are there are some twenty years of hitting rock bottom in front of us.

I am stressed. Not just because of this.

The difference between eu-stress and di-stress is that with the first you push your hormonal levels in order to override your body’s signal that you’re in red-alert area, while in di-stress you probably won’t notice, until basically it will be too late. Either your body says Fuck you, or your mind says Fuck you. I am out of here.

I hope this is nothing that will happen with none of my readers nor me. Thanks for all the nice comments and likes you have given me so far. Please keep them coming in, I am very happy to receive your comments. I would really be interested in how you respond to that topic.

If you feel the same.

If your opinion is a totally opposed one.

Let me know.

And now…

Breathe. 🙂 Have a nice day. 😉

PPS: This is something I found funny, I created a little soundtrack to my blog entry. Yeah, I’m EMO, you get a wild mix. 😉

Garbage – Only happy when it rains

Frida Gold – Unsere Liebe ist aus Gold (remix, official video)

Heaven 17 – Trouble

Die Ärzte – wie es geht

%d bloggers like this: